The Diary Of A Country, City Girl Page 4

  But at least I wasn’t alone during all the bad... I still had Sherri and my girl Ro seeing that we were even closer now! Since we moved, we used to walk and meet each other, I loved being at her house because it was so family oriented. She had both parents, and they were successful living in a brick house, but boy her father was so mean! But I didn’t care how much that man fussed us kids outta his house he couldn’t keep us away. The main memories of being at Mr. and Mrs. Washington’s house was Bob walking through fussing and we running and laughing because we knew we were about to get cursed out for being there. I love Mrs. Katie and Bob dearly. But man did they have some fighting kids! One day me and Ro walked to my apartments, it’s this pole that sat right in the center where this girl our age was sitting on the pole. Believe it or not, we decided to be messy and pick at this girl for no reason! Just being messy, I really forgot how it started or why I just remembered me, and Ro said we were about to pick with her.

  I can’t even remember what we said to each other that made us choose to pic with this girl. I can’t even remember who initiated me being the one to start the situation, but I did! I remember walking up saying something smart to this girl, and to my surprise she had a smart mouth herself and said something smart back! I can’t remember what it was but I do know it shocked me. For one it was two of us and one of her... And I knew Ro could fight and knew she would… But me on the other hand obviously just knew how to be messy as hell, never had a fight! But I remember this girl having a smart answer and attitude. I can't remember if I asked what school she went to or her name, But she snapped back with an attitude and answered why?

  I think she knew we were picking being messy and she must have been with all we were on. Which I later learned she was because this same girl is a finger from the one hand of my friends today. After our attempt of being messy, Tasha (was her name) got off the pole and walked off quietly. Later that evening, her and her mother knocked on our door, Her mom and my mom talked, I never knew our moms knew each other and were friends somewhat.

  Next, I hear my mom calls me and I was made to apologize, and I did of course, and we've been friends ever since. I met Angie (miss meanie) and Nisha (miss go getter) China (miss too sweet) and that puts an end to the crew. Ro dropped from an everyday to some days of me seeing her once school started. We went to different schools. Then plus she didn't fuck with my apartments like that… soon she wasn't around for a long while . But love still there, Ro does that from time-to-time pop in and out like a long distance relationship

  THE BOY'S ARE COMING 1990

  So, time went on and over the years me and the girls did some memorable things in those years together. I am talking from the schoolhouse to the streets to whooping on bitches (they did) to clicking up with niggas, we did it all. And even my big sis Pooh had linked up with us a while, and at a point my girls became her girls as time went shit started happening. My girls were all doing this sex thing while me and Sherri were still virgins, so I started talking to my girls asking questions and shit.. You know getting prepared because I didn't want to be a loner anymore, I wanted to be in the big house with the big dogs, to know what they all were always talking about. I talked to Tasha and that girl tripped out like she was my mother trying to keep me pure for marriage. She told me I didn’t want that and to just wait. She fussed like my mother telling me about school and all. With my mom drinking and working late I made my first mistake of deciding to sneak and make a choice without consulting an adult.

  And for that first time came a lifetime blessing… for trying to hide something GOD brought what I was doing in the dark that NOBODY knew about to the light! So, everyone saw what little miss innocent was doing. Telling me not to do it only called me to want it more but just not with who I did it with the first time. I had gotten myself knocked up being curious… So now I'm stuck, scared and alone, because for some reason I start disliking the guy who I did it with and once I got like 2 months the nigga went to prison!

  And seeing mom had already had a talk with me letting me know if I'm ready to let her know she can prevent exactly what I went and let happen. My mother explained all the do's and don’ts, when I should and shouldn't so I was just being disobedient. My mom told me to come to her when I was ready to have sex and she’ll take me to get birth control. So now I don't want to tell her that I was pregnant but how can I prevent it?

  I went through that pregnancy in the beginning and it was by an older guy, so I was really scared and alone because even though my mother was a stone cold alcoholic you would’ve never known when it came to her 4 girls, but we were so fuckin disobedient no matter how strict she was we snuck and did all we did only because she was drunk. But we always got punished for it in the end.. The first 4 months was pure hell! Mom had put me out and I went stayed with my sister and her kids father R.I.P BROZ MIKE. Then finally my mom gave in and spoiled me and the baby. Her and her boyfriend Melvin gave me everything I needed and didn’t need… but I had it all. Of course, the dad was already in prison for robbery, so he wasn't in the picture, and wouldn't have been from my understanding because I was a virgin at 15 and this grown ass man fucked me and got me pregnant then had the nerve to send his mom to see the baby and to tell me it couldn’t be his child because he had an accident as a child and the Dr told him that he can’t have kids.

  Well, his moms first mistake was coming over because my mom was already pissed that her son got me pregnant after my mom had told him he was too old for me and she didn’t approve of us even seeing each other. The second mistake was her even saying it wasn’t his because my momma whooped her ass! Yes, she did, and I was glad for it because I was a virgin and his grown slow ass did that even if I did want it he knew I was young and a virgin. His cousin Mike (R.I.P) had already told him don’t fuck with me like that… He gave me money and he had a car was all had my eyes big obviously because nothing else at all did, he have going for himself and looks was all the way out because yes, he was ugly as fuck! But like I say I was young and all I knew was that he was very nice.

  Ok that's the first one so now I'm up with the big dog's plus more mature than a few because my first time got me pregnant and now, I had a child. Now it's on because I really want some more dick, that baby coming out of me plus knowing the feeling of sex. Then problems came throughout that time me and my girls started doing different things, then I became more of a homebody for a while until I dropped my load. Then came the big situation, Now I'm fresh meat on the market... I had the baby and was happy to see my feet again. I flew on the scene trying to get out of that house the best way I can. So I decided I’d walk down the street to the store that just opened up. I hadn’t been out in damn near 6 months and I needed some fresh air and see what niggas is out. I got dressed trying to show off my new figure this baby gave me… thick in all the right places and catching all the wrong eyes and ran right into the arms of my next situation.

  1992

  HEAD OVER HEELS IN LOVE

  I was walking up to the corner store/ gas station, as I cut through the parking lot two guys both charging at me, one short and kind of buff with a long curl and the other tall, kind of slim with his hair shaved with a curl at the top. They obviously had made a bet on which one could get the number. I gave it to the tall guy because he was more of an attraction to me obviously, I would guess I was already attracted to him when they approached me, because I chose him, (Nod). I still really hadn't figured out my type yet though, seeing that I was new to the relationship scene, boy, sex, thing… I was only with one guy and he didn’t know shit because he was slow… he had issues and was getting a monthly check. So, had I’d gotten real instructions... had I listened to my mom. I would have learned about the correct order it go, But I taught my own instructions, and it went boy, sex, baby, then try to work on a relationship.

  Now on the other hand, #2 was who I would have wished I had my oldest and first child, well maybe all of them, because if I had stopped at him… that would have been my life with him bec
ause he loved kids, I later found out… way too late. I really would have loved it to work between me and him, but only when I truly had been ready for sex and he would’ve been my first because he was a cool guy... I mean he was in a gang but hey. At the same time, I hadn't really been with anyone else so the relationship we had was exciting, I was still wet behind the ears and he had already explored half the world so yes that excited a little country girl like myself and so it started.

  So now the shit has hit the fan, now I'm with a guy that's in a gang and does drugs who's not all there in the head, yeah, how exciting. One of the types that hangs out with the crew all day and night doing drugs, The type that gets high and wants anything because the drug (PCP) got him thinking weird shit.

  The type that’s fucking every hood rat on the block and in every set of projects, his and the other sets. Then there's me in the mix of it all… the little vulnerable, lost country girl. But truthfully that wasn't him when he was with me, he was completely different, But me being excited to be in the mix of the gang surroundings and the fast life that I saw and was around… there I was after having my oldest baby. Lil pussy was tingling. Again, there I was laying up with Nod after my baby wasn't even half of a month old, I was ready except this time I was in true attraction, so I went for it. We started hanging out, then came sneaking out with Nod for a while getting in trouble by my brother TWAIN and leaving my baby. After maybe three nights of me getting yelled at for leaving my baby that Nod never knew I had because I didn’t tell him I had just had a baby a couple of weeks before I met him.

  After finding out about my baby, that’s when big head (Nod) started making me bring my baby and that was it! He always had her and I was excluded. Now see, that's where getting to know someone first comes in at.

  Had I been honest with him in the beginning, He would have loved my child, instead I went through leaving my baby to lay up with him, when the whole time… I could have brought her with me. He took my baby when he finally saw her, He took her in as his own child. When he learned of me leaving my baby, he cursed me out, he had all rights because that was my first mistake in partying, I barely had time in his life once he got her… once he tripped on me for that I really thought to myself, oh yeah! This is a good sign when I learned he loved kids. Then things were good for a few months, especially when I went back to school, I went to school with his homeboys and we all clicked because my girls had already been dating his young school crew, what a coincidence, right? Now you know it was cracking then from school to the bungalows, which was a spot they had that we hung out with them in their neighborhood. It was amazing for me then!

  I had been so caught up in this unguided life being so selfish to myself. Nod was sleeping around but remember I only was with him, but then I went slept around with a guy I was crushing on before I started having sex just because Nod was sleeping with other girls, I thought it was payback for what he was doing, all the cheating he was doing on me and I knew but didn't dare say anything. I thought to myself, now that I slept with someone else... It was cool! At least that's what I thought back then when I didn't know any better. When I thought I was on cloud nine in life. Then after all the partying for a few years, things started changing a lot, I got pregnant by him and couldn’t hang out anymore…I started hearing about my friends partying with him without me around then pictures surfaced, Ok like I said a lot has changed and I was on kid #2 ... then baby daddy did bad things and went away for a while to prison…. Now that’s 2 kids, 2 different fathers in prison.

  A lot went on after number two like I became a successful high school dropout… I was truly in love with Nod seeing he was really the first real relationship I had. I felt so lost when he got locked up because I was so used to having him there to make me feel complete. I was so happy with him in my life, everything was right… everything was better when I was with Nod. That's really when it all went downhill. I really wasn't sure of how to be now with two children and no baby daddy. I was so afraid because I learned then about the life of having a man incarcerated at 16. Like really what the hell did I know? I had to accept phone calls, then you have to pay for those calls, so I had to learn how to accept collect calls, get in trouble about the phone bill, worry about my two babies. Then his mom started coming to pick me and the baby up to go a visit him.

  I'm sixteen years old with two babies, (yes babies because they are only two months apart) visiting a prison. OK here’s the part I got lost at! I have to have money for two babies, money for the phone calls, money for stamps and envelopes, pictures to send to prison… AND VISIT THE PRISON? And you needed money for that! The not so overwhelming moments were that his family always came, made sure the baby was ok, always got the baby from me, just was there… something else I never experienced. His family never skipped a beat for that baby, it was like he never was out his child life because even in prison; he made sure his children were ok, and that’s when I start learning about in laws. I never saw my child anymore, I started trying to steal her.. But he made sure they found me and got the baby back. Now I'm wondering like, DAM! Do I even want them in my baby's life? I can't even have my baby. Now, I was in a rut from here on because I'm full-fledged out in the world… baby daddy #2 taught me some things before he left me out here alone and I blamed him for everything. I started to hate him for leaving me. It was like I had picked him up as being my father figure in my life filling that empty void I had in my life for that man, then the man in my life left me all over again.

  With my first baby daddy I felt nothing but anger for myself! That I was in this predicament with him… I wanted my child, but I excluded everything of Kadolfe and gave Nod that full position as if that nigga never existed and still right now today that dude don’t exist in my or my child life. I made it as if both my children were Nods and completely excluded #1 out! But after Nod was taken away, I felt I was in the world alone again with no guidance. I needed that father figure in my life because if he’s not around things may happen to me! What now? He’s in prison and needs money, letters. Now I feel it's time to be a young girl with a life of my own. These niggas done dropped these dam babies on me and just left. But then my first mistake I made in life was when my mom had latched on to my first and had her all the time and Nod family had the second baby. During this time while he was in prison a lot went on. I had two kids (girls) by now and I was way too friendly with the guys. I can remember this moment so clearly … it was some guys came through our apartments looking to do a drug deal.

  Obviously, something went wrong, and it was all bad! The guys from my apartments tried to rob the guys from California. The guy put his foot on the pedal and ran into a gas meter, That was a scare! Regardless of how much we went through over there in those apartments, getting blew up would’ve been the worst!

  So, when it all went down of course we, my family was in the mix. We called the police, and the guys were at our house filling out reports. Now they were young guys, not even fine and me and my friends were flirting. Long story short, we all exchanged numbers and the night came and the phone call came. The guy told me they were about to come pick us up… Now by us he meant me and my friends, so why did I get my young but in the car with two guys I didn’t know? Why didn’t I tell them to wait until morning? I just jumped in the car, so whatever they’d done would’ve been my fault and they knew that!

  They knew if I knew any better than to get in with them without knowing them, I had to be some type of tramp of fool! Well, they took me for the first obviously because they passed up anybody they were supposed to pick up! They kept right past my apartments, right past my friend’s place, and took Yale street to some apartment for hours! And I never knew they were planning their move. When we left there, I should’ve thanked GOD because nothing happened to me there! I had no clue at the time where I was, I was so naive. But they took me to what I know now to the Siegel Suites… pulled a gun on me and had their way with me. I begged them not to kill me and that I had two little girls I wanted to, had
to get back to. They both raped me but at least I’m still here to tell the story. For the first time I’m telling the public this story and most of my close people already know it. If my FRIENDS or anybody that’s from there didn’t know the story, will know now if they read this book.