The Diary Of A Country, City Girl Page 5

  I figured them pulling a gun on me and having their way with me was punishment enough than the whooping momma would’ve given me anyways. Well mother is gone and now I can tell the story without breaking her heart. After all these years, had my mother found out after she welcomed those strangers into her home and took chances on our life by helping them... and they did her baby that way that same night? Yeah, momma would’ve been pissed!

  1993/1994

  By now I'm tingling between the legs again and another time it's time to mingle in the world again1 I'm still young, how this dude think he gonna just tie me down and tell me when and where I can and can’t go when he’s not even here! He went to prison knowing I was pregnant, so he knew better, He knew not to do nothing to get him sent to prison and leave me. I'm too young to be tied down by him while he was in prison. Those were my tingling p$$y lips talking, it wasn’t me! Because had I known if I would have just sat my butt in the house and accepted those prison phone calls and writing letters all day…. I wouldn't have run into baby daddy #3! Now this was not the only problem, I had gone off on a small rampage of fucking. Without a condom comes diseases and babies, obviously I wasn't worried about either. Neither had I known about girls wanting to fight over the niggas they were fucking, and you try to come in on the scene, FRESH MEAT! Now you are getting more attention because you finally out the house from on lock down from baby daddy #2. Nod. Yes, that what I was thinking like being young, dumb, and fresh.

  So now I’m mingling again and getting to know the world a tad bit closer without the guarding of Nod. I was seeing so much that he didn't show me and now, IT'S ON! Now my kids are off with other people like my mom and Nods mom, and I’m free to do whatever I want to do, Yes that's how I was thinking. Meeting new people. Doing new things. The phone calls and letters and visits stopped for me, I was thinking I'm too young for this type of stuff he wanted me to do... things I knew I wasn't or couldn't. And since I won’t do certain things for him now I ain’t the down b!+** I claimed to be! Then I thought about it! All this he was saying to me, I was sad about it instead of saying: “FORGET YOU! YOU ALREADY IN HERE AND YOU’RE TRYING TO GET ME IN HERE WITH YOU NIGGA? WHAT ABOUT MY CHILDREN? OUR CHILD?”

  But now I know we were both just young and he was still living for the fast life at the moment. And that's where #3 came in at. 1995 I was living so wild then at that point. I had a fake ID in my sister Charissia's name going to all the clubs at 17 and 18 years old with a 21-year-old ID. I was living with my big cousin Connie at this time. I drank a lot at this point, living a whole lot of wild nights of clubbing and drinking then. I was doing all this, and I wasn't trying to be tied down by nothing or no one, not even those two girls I had! I went through pretend relationships then girls wanna fight over their men that I never even knew I took!

  All I was able to think was why do you want to fight me when I don’t even want him either! I was doing just fine before your man came trying to be my man! I was able to do what I wanted to do, when I was able to do it. It’s not my fault he felt I was better than you... good enough to keep him from coming home to you, It's not my fault! I don't want him here, he wanted to be here! But those were hell days for me being with Maine because he had way too much going on with him!! Ok so I ended up pregnant with # 3.

  So, #3’s dad was foul with his slick cheating self! I did remember he was with someone in a relationship, but when he came to me, he told me he was single... forgetting about the lies niggas would tell you when they want new **$$y. Because even though me and the girl weren’t friends. I knew her and we would speak because my sister went with her cousin. I fell for the lie of "We are not together no more, we broke up!". So now I have to deal with messy shit that I never had experienced, A female wanting to fight over her man… And I’m just feeling like; GIRL I PROMISE HE CAN GO WITH YOU; I NEVER EVEN KNEW YOU'LL WAS TOGETHER GIRL! And I went there because no matter how much she came to try and fight me; He would fight her and I was thinking that was cool but now the shit just disgust me, but back then I didn’t know any better I thought it was cool that he was taking up for me fighting her for trying to fight me. Now if that's not enough to just let a nigga go, I don't know what is, because clearly, he was playing both of us G, So why me and you won't get together and whoop his ass and we both get our asses whooped because we done taking his bullshit.

  I went through this so long of knowing Maine was still over there fucking G... She still knew he was fucking me, we both ended up pregnant at the same exact time. We both were in a relationship with him, just do your own math with that situation.

  EXACTLY WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO YOURSELF GIRL?

  So much went on after me, her and him, I was my own house trying to get away from Maine, after me a G went on into it about to fight so many times, she just left him and he was full throttle with me, Even though I know they were still doing their thing. I mean they were a couple for I don't know about six seven years before he came fucking with me, so I know they were still going at it. Especially seeing while on the other hand after some years of me and him, this man started fucking his best friend sister in my house while I was thinking something else, they were playing me…. She come to pick him up, while I'm leaving, they go in my house and fuck soon as I pull off! THAT BITCH NAME KARMA BAD AIN’T SHE? I thought some shit when I had the situation in my hands, but somebody did me. The cold part about me is, if either of those females would have known I didn't want the men either.

  Because when I got him from G, she was at me like I did her wrong. So I'm sure she was still fucking him just to get at me while I was trying to find away out and give her, her property back! The worst of this time was when I lost my Aunt Liz at the time. I was on baby #3, Main had got locked up while I was like a month pregnant and he was locked up for a good minute. I had the baby and I was gone again out and about! During this time, it was back to clubbing again meeting new types of men. The nice type this time around… a nigga I didn’t know… A nigga way too cute, handsome, pretty hair and eyes and his name was off the charts so I'm like I wonder what this about to be like. Then he had a car and I had 2 kids… Yes, I know I’m at baby #3 to y’all but for some reason Nod didn’t want me to have my baby so he had his mom to get her all the time and wouldn’t give her back so I only have my oldest and third with me I knew he didn’t feel I was responsible and hell looking back talking about this shit I was not responsible at all!

  So, #3 was the baby at the moment and at this time I thought I had this little cute sort of a relationship with this guy named Billy. I met him at the club, It was me and my sisters him and his guys, we started hooking up a tad bit, we went through whatever type of relationship we had. Then I had 3 kids and no babysitter but always wanted to go or was on the go. My Aunt Liz was staying with me every now and then, and she used to tell me she wasn't a babysitter, so she used to be a little mad at me even though I was her baby she still always told me she wasn’t babysitting. She was only staying with me because her apartment burned down! THANK GOD everyone was safe, she only lost material things. Months later, Aunt Liz and Granny was leaving to go down south again, and it was Aunt Liz's birthday July 4th, She had a family gathering at granny house and we had a family blast. Aunt Betty's husband recorded that night...we lost 5 people since on that video since then. R.I.P. AUNT LIZ, UNCLE GLENN, GRANNY and DEE and now my mother, BEBOP! Tragedy hit as soon as they made it to town like an hour later… I was told the story that she was going around to visit everyone when she made it. She went to see her daughter Sharon first to see her grandchildren she hadn’t saw in years. Sharon had just had a ten-pound boy, I forgot how old he was, but he was only months. So, she got to see him then they all went to Madea house. My aunt kept saying she was tired, and Sharon said she looked tired! My grandmother was so used to my auntie getting drunk she just thought my auntie was drunk. But they had been on the road and she said she had a headache1 By now my aunt said she was about to go lay across the bed but before she could even make it to the roo
m she collapsed on the floor! Sharon say Madea started yelling at Aunt Liz telling her to get her drunk self-up. Her brother Johnny picked her up and they rushed her to the hospital. Sharon said they rushed her into the room, and she said she was looking through the small window in the door and she saw her mother turn… (I got emotional typing this part… she turned her head and took a deep breath… her last breath and her arm dropped to the side of the bed. My cousin watched her mother whom she had just saw after about six or seven years! I hated everything for that one! It hit home hard right there because my aunt was unremarkably lovable. she was my everything, I don’t think no one loves the way our family loves each other. Nobody could never understand the love an aunt can have for her nieces

  She had that streak in her, but she was so fun and happy... I remember the time my sister Pooh was mad at her because our little cousin, who was Aunt Liz's grandson, lost Pooh contact lenses… Pooh was so mad about those lenses she wanted Tray to get whooped, but our Aunt didn't whoop him because she loved lil bad kids, she taught them to be bad! We still talk about that still today, laughing about it. Then I remember it was Connie's other son (RIP) JV. Trey's brother was having his birthday party at granny house and Pooh, and Sherri walked through the door high. Sherri ate a hot dog before the party started and it was like she ate the whole pot! But Sherri had got high and was hungry and couldn’t wait for the party to start. I guess she didn’t feel she did any harm because that was her nephew's party, and we were all family! I don’t know why she thought that. Aunt Liz and Connie started tripping then Connie and Sherri were into it. Aunt Liz was so funny she turned to Charissia asking her, and who side are you on? That little, short 4 feet lady. GOD I MISS HER! GOD I MISS ALL OF THEM!

  ***

  So, there was a story to how I met my EX - husband from my Aunt Liz and My Granny they’d been telling me they had me somebody they wanted me to meet. Then they were always telling him they had someone they wanted him to meet, saying they think we’ll be a good match, but he was down south, and I was in Las Vegas. But our first time seeing each other was for my Aunt Liz funeral, but we still never knew we were the two that they wanted to meet yet! Because he used to help my grandmother, he’ll go get my grandmother's medicine, and also my aunt Liz was with his uncle. But when I went to my Aunt funeral down south I caught a few eyes unintentionally. I got a message from a guy in Louisiana saying if I moved back there, he’ll take care of me and all 4 of my children! I was shocked to hear anything like this from a man.

  BACK TO DA SOUTH (LOUISIANA)

  After my aunt's funeral, I did decide to move down south and no... it wasn’t for the man that offered to take care of us… I just really wanted a break from the Vegas scene, I wasn’t comfortable in my apartment anymore after my aunt passed. I just didn’t want to be there anymore, but yes, I did hook up with ol boy when I got there, and he stuck to his word. He did exactly what he said. It just didn’t work between us. Then this other guy came and tried to talk, and I did a background check, and this nigga was married with six kids or sum shit! Then another nigga tried, and he had a woman that he had been with for 9 years! They were all in relationships for 10 and 16 years, what the hell was any of them trying to do just feel what it was like to be with the new Las Vegas girl. Then there was another nigga that tried the same shit, and I found out he had been in his relationships, CAN Y’ALL PLEASE LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE! Geesh… Yes, I understand I’m fresh meat from the city and your country boys lust and drooling from the mouth because you never saw me but just stay with your country women before I have to drag them through all this mud out here.

  Then I found #4’s dad...Ok so I decided to try this one and give him a try, here we go again in an unknown situation, I didn’t know Cory had a woman. Me and Cory had been on several dates and he had been to my house, I went to his grandparents’ house where he was supposed to live, all this One night we were even talking about leaving and driving to Las Vegas because I was missing mom. All of a sudden, it wasn’t even a week had passed, my sister Monique called me over and told me her friend T saying this was her man and car! Now here I sit with the shit face of being played again, here too. I had too many men with women problems that just didn’t know honesty qualities. But In Louisiana, I found a few men I can say were good men, Damn sure a rare breed than the Vegas men. They were raised to care for women. They stay with their women; they believe in marriage and family most definitely. Went thru my ups and downs then my mom had to come to get me because when I was having #4 I and he almost died. I had complications during the birth. Now once again I had to go to Vegas with my mom. Now I’m back in Las Vegas!

  1996

  So now, I’m in Vegas again and I was always with Charissia at her house and met this shinny shermhead ass nigga that the biggest and best thing on him was his D! The smallest hole that I could find a just dragged #5 & #6 daddies outta there yep 2 at 1 time (twins) how in the hell did this happen? Thinking I'm doing some shit again. This nigga had a whole relationship for about 10 or 15 years with 3 kids. This lady was so innocent/ sweet, but her man was so fine, I know it was nothing but a lustful sin I had for this man. I couldn't help it… me and her talked, she told me how much he was cheating on her… she told me I wasn’t the 1st or only. She told me all about this nigga, but I was blind for him. I disrespected this girl so much, then yep! I found out for myself. He was so sorry, he used to embarrass her in front of everybody. I was wrong I know I was, but just like her I was so naïve I was walking into my own self destruction. It was at least twenty or more females over there he was sleeping with … if not more.

  I was living with Charissia now and I started messing with him, I was so sad even though you couldn't tell because of what I was doing. And he thought it was all funny… he was a drug head that had no type of ambition except his dick, then I never enjoyed the sex with him because he was uncomfortably big anyways. I was really doing too much in my entire life and I never grasped it. Within him I went back to dealing with my past baby daddy #2. And I hid the pregnancy from him for so long. Next time he saw me I had twins. That experience of having twins was hell! I used to tell my mom to come get one and my sister to come get the other one. Then we had a tragedy in Louisiana a month after the twins were born. They even gave me even more hell traveling, but we went down there for a funeral. My cousin Tracy baby had passed. And that's when my Aunt was blessed with her own two boy's,

  Bittersweet moment.

  When I left, I thought I finally figured out what I didn't want anymore, Like no more little boys that only want one thing. Out of all the guys I was missing my number 1 guy Nod… Nobody would and could ever replace him in my mind. He was always number one no matter what. I was just hot in the tail with no sense of direction. No directions for my babies I had already, I took my babies and went off….

  I don’t know what I wouldn’t or would have gone through… But I would have four boys and four girls, but I would only have them with one man. If my life would have gone any way of my choice. And if, if was a fifth we'll all be drunk… sigh.

  I did try to do right after a million mess ups, I found what I thought was the true HAPPY ENDING, Once again: BOMP! I found a fucked-up nerd, And I say that because that's what I thought my EX- husband was. First of all, it started out all wrong in the first place… see when I left Vegas again, before I left, I told the life controller that I was leaving to find me a husband. the right things in my marriage but now I'm happily divorce and moved on went backwards with a few mistakes here and there some more. But the relationships weren't all just horrible, It's just that they weren't for me and I wasn't for them… we weren't for each other, each other companions, we never found out about each other, we were only for one thing to each other.

  It's just all about making yourself happy through life regardless of who you're with. And that person can't make you happy by giving you worldly things. My marriage: There were some beautiful days because I was finally in my place, a place that I was truly where I wan
ted to be; A place where I was appreciated for me and I didn't have to pretend anymore. No matter if we were meant to be or if it was who I wanted…. He gave me purpose and a chance to see myself for who I am. Steve grabbed me and when he grabbed me he grabbed EVERYTHING THAT I HAD WITH ME FROM MY FLAWS TO MY AMBITION; he showed me I had a purpose like everyone else and that no matter what I had if a person was going to love me for me.

  They would accept me and all I was bringing to the table. But at the same time, he served his purpose in my life and he did a fine job at his mission. But he had his flaws as well as I in our downfall…My dad mom was living with me at this time Claudia. At this time, we were going through a rough patch in our marriage... Also, this is during the time I lost my Grandma.

  But all in all, I can't look at none of my situation-ships like any of the downfalls of our relationships were because that none of my partners weren't shit/about shit and didn't want responsibilities, It was that we went head first into things and we let our sexual parts take control of the situations before we let our brains work. I know with the number of children I had it seems that once I felt what dick felt like I went overboard… Well, the daddy went to prison for years @ 15 no I didn't wait. Same with the next years in prison during the pregnancy and after birth, then again. And it was this name they gave me (prison pussy) hmmm it did have a nice ring to it, maybe cause it was true…one after the other. And if it wasn’t for prison, I may wouldn't have half my babies so I thank every one of my baby daddies from the bottom of my heart that you all gave me my motivation. And after all the having babies and supposing to growing the hell up and be responsible I went backwards and found how to be twenty again and turned up; I went clubbing popping ecstasy pills on a regular (allot) So in a nutshell I was hopeless... just constantly blaming it on everybody else, beating myself up on.