The Diary Of A Country, City Girl Read online

  She would put a mark on it where she sharpened it, so she could see if the pencil had been sharpened at school. When we were in trouble, which was usually with her she used to make us go outside on the tree in front of her house to get our own switch to get whippings with. MADEA was a good great grandma, she just was no-nonsense, which is what we need to be raised with today in these years with the children today. If we still had MADEA’S in this world I feel the children will be much better. My grandma Roberta (MAMA), She was the sweetest woman in the world to me. She had a heart of gold in my eyes. I loved being at her house because I was spoiled with her, granny was the only person I used to talk to but even she thought I was unusual.

  She lived-in some apartments so it was other children I could play with around her house. There were children in the apartments we lived in also, but I was always going to my grandmothers, so I was rarely home. It was basically one girl I played with a lot though, and she was really nice. There was the community park down the street from her house and people used to form baseball teams and I'd go watch them play… Of course, I wasn’t playing.

  Even if I had been asked, I wouldn’t have gone. I was so afraid of life I have no clue why. There was even the pool down there, but of course I never learned to swim so that was a bummer for me. I was always mostly walking from my mom’s apartment to my Granny apartments or my Madea’s house, it was like going out of town from the differences. Our apartments were so wild... But in the apartments, we lived in I had plenty of friends. We used to play on these hills behind our apartments and we called them hills one, two and three because it was three hills. We always steered clear of the third hill because It was sort of spooky being so far back. It had this abandoned house sitting on it. We'd go back there every now and then. But we were mostly on the first hill. We used to get on them green trash can tops and push each other down on the hill. There was this huge tree that had this thick rope hanging from it where we used to get on and swing around on like you’ll see on those movies. We used to skin ourselves up on that tree though, if we swing around halfway, we’d hit it so hard!

  Those days were so fun...we were tomboys back then. We all played rough… all the girls were dusty. while on the other hand my granny apartments were nicer and of course Madea’s house was the coziest! Back in our days we played games like hopscotch, jacks, we used to play baseball in the apartments. It was this field of grass so we would play kickball and games. But It was never a boring moment if it was going to band practice and watching the band which was always the best. I used to sit up under that big, beautiful tree. It was full of pretty leaves, so it gave out the best shade. It sat where they practiced in this huge green pastured field, so it was perfect. The grass was so green, it was just nice and cool. The sun was out and Louisiana very humid so under the tree it was a nice breeze. THE HIGH SCHOOL MARCHING BAND they were bad! In the country that's the main events, the parade... and they were the best times, everybody will be out watching them perform through town.

  But what I loved to do on my own time was to go crawfishing! I loved to go get down in the ditches and get muddy, the recipe was a stick or some sort of pole … you could use (salt meat), that the bacon fat parts. You can use just about anything to catch a crawfish in them ditches. Some went with just the string and meat, it didn’t matter as long as the crawfish grabbed that meat you had them… unless they drop off, which was rarely. I used to be afraid of the mudpuppies I used to hear. They lived in the ditch waters also but I never saw one, I always imagined they were the next big things to snakes.

  They made these loud sounds like a sheep in the water, so loud! And the snakes were horrible out there, but I still went in those ditches to crawfish, you could crawfish in any ditches down south with muddy waters, which was mostly anywhere growing up. I remember the fairs coming to town and it was always cold freezing, but as a kid but as long as you can get on them rides you really didn’t feel it. It was always something for us kids to do, always places we would be able to go. The only problem was rain. We even found ways to enjoy that! Like going out playing in it, or afterwards It would flood the ditches and we could crawfish. But even when it flooded there we still would have to go to school. I used to think to myself; “Why do we have to go to school in that rain? Like school should be out what is wrong with y’all don’t y’all see it’s flooded?”

  They didn’t care, especially my mom because she knew we always had a secret weapon in the rain… not only did we have our galoshes rain boots, raincoats and umbrellas. We also had my mom’s ex-boyfriend name Major. He was so tall, like 7 feet tall or something, he would always carry us all... me and my two oldest sister’s all the way to the road where it was dry. He would carry us on his neck and back. GOD gave us him to get through those moments. They say GOD will give you any weapons you need through rough times and he was ours so we could get to school. But on another note, he was really horrible!

  He was like a Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde or something because he was really nice and friendly, supposedly loved us. But then when him and my mom would do their daily duties. They would send us to school, and they would do whatever they did through the day. Then when night would fall it was an entirely different person. I really don’t know what my mother used to do to this man but when I tell you he used to beat my mother half to death. I don’t know how she took the beatings and stomping Major put on her and she was only a wet 70 pounds back then. My mother was an alcoholic when I was growing up. I really can’t remember what, but she drank on a daily basis and her boyfriend drank also. So, when they used to sit and get drunk together listening to Al green and all that old school music, it always led to a fight. I have no clue why they fought but it was every night! It was never a night they didn’t have a fight. But he used to beat my mother so bad. He always wore these cowboy boots and jeans, and when they fought, he kicked her in her eye with them pointed boots. Now she attends parent /teacher conferences at our school with shades on. It was sad! Because that made me get teased and bullied even more.

  Not only was my mother an alcoholic but we were horribly poor. She could barely come to the school because he used to beat her so bad and she always had black eyes, busted lips, and bruises. It was me, my two older sisters then my younger sister Tasha. I experienced so much trauma watching my mother go through the mental and physical abuse. My older sisters despised this man so bad... and he despised my mother! I really don’t know why they were even together. I don’t remember him hitting us but this one time he did try to whoop us, I can’t remember why he tried to whoop us, but Charissia and my older sister were hot!

  I remember they said after he whooped me, they were mad. When he tried to whoop my older sister, she attacked him so fast until he decided he couldn’t do anything with her so he just gave up! So, after that day she never let him touch or much mess with us. We were living in apartments for a while then we moved into a house. But that wasn’t good enough because Major didn’t have control over mom because Madea wasn’t going for him beating on her. So, he decided to move us to another little town called Newelton where his family was. I hated it there too! I hated going to school there because I didn’t have friends there either. Yes, Major had fun beating on momma down there. We stayed in a, white house behind his grandmother her name was Mamanda… She was a beautiful, sweet lady that always made us butter rolls and tea cakes. But she was really old, and it was nothing she could do except keep us safe from her grandson, the monster.

  But I couldn’t say the same for momma. It seemed like every time we saw her she had busted lips, black eyes, busted nose! Both her eyes were closed sometimes. Even when he’d go to jail, she'd let him right back! She fought back but after a while it was nothing else, she could do! He’d be slinging her like a rag doll! We hated when they started drinking. They’d get along as long as they were sober, I guessed! But we eventually went back to town where our family was, and of course he came also.

  One night my mom and him were drinking, as usual! We used t
o hate to see when they started drinking because they'd be having laughs together, then the alcohol would kick in, and we knew they were going to fight. It was like a trend every single night they followed. They had the music going, they started to argue then the fighting started! I don’t know what made Major go get a knife or it was already in there with them. But he picked up the knife and threw it at my mother. The knife was stuck in the floor and had her feet stuck to the floor with the knife in it. The alcohol, him, and my mother was just no combination at all! Because one night...she got her revenge and vengeance was hers this night. My momma took that same knife, and gutted him from the begging of his stomach to the top between his rib cage. My mother almost went down for attempted murder, but she got off! For years I watched as my mother struggled with alcohol, this abusive, neglectful man who really mistreated her with no remorse, and she ended up almost killing him and leaving us!

  I don’t know if it was love, fear or the alcohol that made her sign papers for him to do her this way. Neither do I know the reason that made her stay. All I know is I was young. I was going through my own lonely life. I had to deal with abuse issues, but I never understood the issues I was going through were the results of what my mother was going through. I never felt I could talk to my mother about what I was feeling or what I was going through back then. I knew she had her own thing going on in her life that she couldn’t even control; So how could she do anything about the things I was going through. I’m older now. I look back on my life looking for answers to the questions that I have. Why didn’t anyone see me? Why was I the one who people hurt? The only reason I can find to make any of this makes sense, is that my mom had to have had a mental illness for her to be looking for something in this man that she never found.

  She married this horrible man and brought this man into our lives. So now not only have you made a bad choice and brought this man into your home… But you brought him into your three daughters' lives. So, whatever he spread to you he’s about to spread onto us! And he did

  Did she know this man? How long had she known him to trust him enough to bring him home to us! My older sisters De’Shaunte and Charissia were gone as much as possible. I didn’t have anywhere to go. Unless I’d go to either of my grandmother’s houses. Or just outside to play. I do remember some good memories with Major but the bad outweighs the good no matter how many ways I look at it. Madea couldn’t stand Major for how he treated her granddaughter, so she was always trying to shoot him! And Charissia (Madea called her Kitty Katt) she was a Madea girl. She always told Madea everything, momma and Major did. Momma couldn’t stand for Charissia to tell Madea nothing because Madea would always show up to momma house with her gun looking for Major.

  I think if she had the chance, she would’ve shot him. That was also one of the reasons we were always at Madea house. I remember Charissia and her friend Chett were playing in a ditch after it rained one day. It was full of rain water… she dove in the ditch and the girl dove on top of her. A broken coke bottle was sitting up and it went straight into Charissia leg. I forgot how many stitches, but she had to get her entire knee cut open... back then those coke bottles were so thick. And imagine being on your stomach and someone diving on your back and the bottle go straight through your knee.

  DeShante always tried staying gone because by me being the little sister DeShante had to babysit me while mom was taking care of things. So, this meant even if mom needed some me time at night, I had to drag along with my two big sisters to the record hops… A dance for the children after school. They played music and the kids danced… Charissia always won the dancing contests because she could dance really well! Now DeShante on the other hand if they had boxing that’s where she would’ve won at. Because all she did was fight! Charissia was the dancer and flirter which made her get into it with other girls thinking she wanted their boyfriends! That led DeShante to have to come fight for her sister because she didn’t know how.

  Me on the other hand, I was the baby and they hated me coming to the record hops with them because they weren’t over until nine pm. Which meant I always went to sleep about seven. I was only nine or ten years old, so I was sleepy! Now they had always put me on the stage because the dances were always inside the High School Gym. Now, I’m sleep on stage on top of my sister and their friends’ jackets and they had to cover me up. I’m covered up with everybody’s coats because other people didn’t know I was under there I was so small! They hated me always having to tag along because not only was I the baby, but I always got them in trouble because I told everything! This was also the reason DeShante never wanted me around… I always went told Madea when she was with boys, which was a lot! My older sister was real fast and fighting! She even beat-up grown women! While me and Charissia was mostly at Madea house... we were always in my aunt Tricia's room because she lived there also seeing Madea was her grandmother. Madea had strict rules, Tricia was grown and could barely have a boyfriend. But of course, she did her own thing, so I loved being around her with all the pretty things she had in her room, her clothes, perfume, her shoes... Me and Charissia were always messing with her things. De’Shante was always doing her own thang like I said earlier, but one-time Tricia took all of us, me and my two older sisters to a football game. But it was always so cold at those games and I can’t stand to be cold and it was always so cold to me! I was only I think like seven years old. I cried, cried, cried…plus we were walking. I cried the whole walk home, my Aunt Tricia was so angry, she say I cried all the way home. But Tricia, my Aunt Liz, my mother and my other Aunt Betty and our cousin Lena stayed getting yelled at and in trouble by Madea.

  She was a wise old lady though. She spoke no lies, nothing but the truth whether it hurt your feelings or not you will hear the truth. I never saw my grandmother take meds, or ever went to a hospital, she never backed down but once and only once. I heard a story, and it broke my heart of the reason she had my mother to leave Louisiana for a while after that incident when my mother was a kid! I'm sure even my grandmother felt small to ask her grandchild to apologize to a white woman for not saying ma'am to her. The white lady was a store clerk and of course that was way back in the 50’s or 60’s in the south and that was the way the south was set up back then.

  THE SPOOKS

  The south alone was haunting to me, because it was always so spooky, but one day I think I was about six years old. One thing that Madea always did was make us take naps around 11:30... I remember the stories would come on, like THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS, I knew it was nap time. But this particular day I was at her house and I don’t know where my older sisters were this day. I guess may be my little sister was with mom. But anyways it was time for my nap… Once I was asleep, Madea decided to go to her neighbors house and sat on the porch with her. But I woke up from my nap and saw Madea wasn’t around and the house was quiet. She rarely watched TV, Madea was real old school, anything she did was old school… from the medicines to the hospitals. She believed in home remedies like, TV’s off, naps and making her own medicine. I woke up and the house was quiet which wasn’t unusual during nap time. Because that’s during the time she may go out on her porch and sit in her swings.

  Or maybe go in her garden and pick the vegetables or whatever while we nap. But when I walked in the front room she wasn’t there; I already saw she wasn’t in the bathroom which was in her bedroom. I went to the kitchen, she wasn't there! I look out in her garden she wasn’t there. I looked around everywhere in the house and my aunt Tricia wasn’t there either. The door was open, and I went to the screen door and found it locked. All I could think was that Madea had left me in this house and I was alone and scared. I’m in the house alone. I’m just standing in the front room not knowing what to do. I knew I wasn’t imagining this, but suddenly I hear footsteps coming from the bedroom in the back where I was just sleeping...

  I froze! I just closed my eyes. Because I know, and was more than sure that I was the only person in that house, especially in that room! I knew the
re was no way to get inside of the house but by me. Nobody passed me! Too afraid to move, look, or yell… I felt something kiss me on my cheek, then I heard footsteps going back then they stopped. Now I’m horrified! I just ran out of the house as fast as I could screaming like a maniac. I never look back. I was running so fast it never dawned to me where I was going, I wanted to go anywhere except there! I heard my grandmother screaming my name, the entire time she had been next door sitting on the porch with her neighbor. I ran and told her what had just happened... but of course she told me I must have been dreaming because she’d been right there, and nobody went in or came out of her house. Well, I was wide awake, and I know it wasn’t a dream!

  But of course, who was going to believe me? The mute weirdo! I have horrific memories but also some good memories with my grandmother. She could do everything. I remember picking vegetables out of her garden with her… she grew all the vegetables, cabbage, beans, peas, corn... you name it, she grew it! We basically grew all our food in Louisiana. My grandmother (Granny) had chickens that she would raise. We got our eggs from those chickens, I found out later that the chicken we also ate was the chickens from the coop! I remember the pigs. We would feed the pig’s their slop. Then learning that we were eating pig feet, pig ears and tails… But then my mother decided to leave the south when I was in the 5th grade Thank GOD! To come to Las Vegas, we couldn’t have left the south fast enough time for me. I was so happy to not be doing my Jr High or Sr High down south. I knew they were going to paddle me to death in Jr High!

  1985