The Diary Of A Country, City Girl Read online

  WELCOME TO THE CITY OF LIGHTS

  I came to the shitty city of pollution and sin back in 1985. I learned very early on that I hated the place and disliked the assholes in it. The people are way different then the country people, I realized so many different things here in Las Vegas like drugs for starters. When we came to Las Vegas and I first saw my dad's mother. She was selling crack cocaine, OK? But then I learned that she had two other people living with her that was on this crack stuff and they were going into her breasts taking her drugs (the crack) and money. I learned that stuff was really powerful.

  One day I woke up to my grandma yelling through the house. She was really upset telling the drug heads that she was missing some drugs. It really blew my hair back because I'm only a kid and never knew about this type of stuff! And I came to Las Vegas to live with my grandma in the big city of lights and hear her asking two people why they went in her pu$$* and stole the crack? Yes, you read the correct words and go back if you need to but I'm moving on. My grandmother was the coolest, craziest, meanest lady to me. But then I thought both grandmothers... her and Madea were mean because they were the older grandmothers. But grandma Cladia was a straight savage! Her mouth was foul… she would tell you whatever was at the tip of her tongue! Madea did all that without curse words. But this one… My dad’s mom called you everything but the child of GOD! It was coming out for sure… She was not holding it in for your feelings.

  My cousins Marcus and Pooh…two boy cousins, Marcus and I were close to the same age. But he played so much, and he was so bad! My oldest sister and he stayed into it, by now my oldest sister has had two kids of her own that she hid both pregnancies from everyone until she had the babies. But that’s a later story. My cousin Marcus used to play all through the house bothering everybody and getting on everyone's nerves. Me and him barely played together but all I do remember is he was always getting yelled at by my older sister. My cousin Pooh was always so sweet and helpful.

  But my Living in Las Vegas gave me a huge eye-opener to a world I never knew.

  TRAGEDIES

  DECEMBER

  I was really done with Las Vegas when we moved in with my Aunt Mattie (R.I.P) on my mom’s side down the street from the apartments where we were staying with my dad’s mom. Now here’s where some of the horrors of Las Vegas began for me, I never knew about gangbanging or gangs or anything like that until we met my Aunt Mattie and her kids. My cousins Jay (R.I.P), David (R.I.P), Main, Tracey and Kim. I met them and the gangbanging that came along with them. Now we country folk me and my sisters hanging out with our city cousins. They had dances out here, but we had record hops down south, where the kids all got together and listened to music and danced.

  Tracey and Kim were closer to my sisters ages, I never had any cousins my age or even close. My mother always made my big sisters take me with them. But of course, I was only there to snitch because that’s what I did best. But anyways, we found out that they (my cousins) gangbanged and liked to fight a lot. The fighting I was used to because my sisters fought all the time down south. That wasn’t the problem. The problem was they were in gangs! I didn't understand any of this because I found out what a gang was all about. It was always girls wanting to fight them over territory and colors (or boys of course). They had to fight at school because different neighborhoods were combined.

  Now their brothers, my cousins David and Jay were also in gangs, and David was rarely home but Jay was in prison so right now David was my favorite big cousin. He had so much stuff in his room. He had LL COOL J hats and records. Weed posters were hanging all over his wall. He had so many shoes and clothes, and a big speaker where he was always bumping, Eric B and Rakim. And this all excited me because I was a lil country girl who had never seen so much. David used to always give me money but wouldn't ever let me in his room when he was there. So everyday David had to throw his big shoes at me because I insisted on getting in that bedroom with him. I guess I was only crazy about him because he had so many interesting things and he was always doing something. In and out of the house like he was so busy.

  I was young and really wasn't into what my girl cousins were doing. They were into boys. My cousins banged and my sisters had hooked up with them and they were doing what they do. I didn't want to do what they were into, plus they were older, so I wasn't with nothing they were with. One night they snuck out of the house. My cousin Tracey got into a horrible, horrible car accident and had to wear a cast from the waist down and couldn't move. She couldn't get outta bed at all without support if she did get out of bed. I couldn’t stand when she did want to get outta bed and go downstairs because it was hard moving her. Now my cousin Jay was about to get out of prison and on this same day it was to be a party that David was about to attend that night also. But the fucked-up part about this party was that it was being thrown by another set/gang. The female that was fucking with my cousin, that was always a problem with the females… they always wanted the nigga from the other set, and that’s how a lot of niggas were killed, set up by the female.

  But she invited David to go to this party and asked him not to bring anyone else because she didn't want any problems. She told David it was gonna be legit so don't bring a gun or his friends and that none of her homies would trip because he would be her guest and it's her party. Now the odd thing that happened that day was that David had been acting strange this entire day his mom said. She said he came in and gave everybody all the adults that were present $100 after coming in with his outfit for the night. My aunt asked him if he had got the clothes for his brother Jay because he was on his way home?

  David told her the outfit that he had was for him to go to the party tonight. She asked him if he was gonna wait on his brother so his brother can go with him… strangely David said no and headed on up the stairs to get dressed. My Aunt said she felt something that night and told David she thinks he should cancel going and wait for his brother. Before David walked outta the door my Aunt begged for him to wait but he wouldn't. About thirty minutes later, Jay walked in and everybody gave him a hug. Jay hurried and went upstairs to get dressed. He was in a hurry to meet up with David. He’d he heard in the wind where the party would be, everybody knew where the party was through the streets in their crew, so he knew where to go. Jay left to go to the party. An hour later Jay called and said David had been killed. That he was set up by the girl and that’s why she told him come alone and don't bring your friends or a gun.

  Jay had just come home from prison and his first time seeing his brother in years he dies in his arms behind a female and a gang. The worst part was the ones that killed him made up a song about him. I hated Vegas after this because all these terrible things were happening, and I really didn't understand it. Things like this didn't happen where I was from. The worst I ever saw was old people died of old age, and I thought that's what was supposed to happen. You are supposed to live and then die of old age. I never saw a car accident do your body like. All I knew was that my cousin Tracy was alive after her accident. I barely rode in a car because at home we walked everywhere we had to go and the only time we drove anywhere was going outta town to fish or to another town to malls to shop. Now I knew trauma. That was the beginning of the horrors Las Vegas introduced me to. The first time I learned about guns causing death to a person without being in the war.…

  Around this time my mom had gotten blessed for us to move into our own place, I don’t know if I’d say where we were was a blessing but to have our own was a blessing. They were plenty different from where my aunt stayed. Where we moved to next was infested with drugs and a lot of drug dealers and smokers. We had learned about the drugs earlier when we first moved here so we knew about the people and how they acted so we knew to steer clear and keep our distance, and guess who we ran into over there? Yep, if you guessed my drug dealing granny… you guessed it right! I found out she helped my mom get the apartment over there. The landlord was my grandmother's supplier of the drugs she sold… we had a crooked landl
ord that sold drugs himself… I was like wow! What's really going on out here who can you really trust? So many untrustworthy people out here… family members and all.

  A SISTER, A FRIEND

  But I met one of my best friends in those slummed apartments. I say one because I already knew my friend Ro. Me and Sherri were from the same messed up situations somewhat, it was like we weren't too much different, and we clicked so well. Different but not so much, her name was Sherri. Anyway, me and her clicked and it was on from there and we have been besties since. We ran into a few others over there and enjoyed our fucked up childhood as best as we could and knew how. Now that was the craziest combination of poor happiness if I should say so myself, and we were tomboy's, funky! And when I say we stunk we were some funky ass girls! And when it came to our hair, JESUS! needed to whoop our momma’s asses from the way our hair was, being little girl's going to school…

  I had an advantage because I had two sisters. We were all the same size, so I could grab shirts, shoes and little things like that but my hair was so damn nappy. But poor Sherri had three older brothers and one older sister, so she had a huge problem because they were all older and not her size, so all her shit was boys’ clothes and too big! But now I got Uncles rubbin all on my tits and lap sitting so what can I say? Our situations were totally different, and I knew her story but never knew mines and both stories were sad. So, time went on with us and we became best friends, sisters actually!

  We went to school together, hung out together and she was at my house the majority of the time because of her situations at home with her family. She is the youngest with three older brothers and an older sister. Her mom was a school bus driver, my second mother I love Miss Annie (She is so sweet). Ok so another Las Vegas situation of all times, I spent the night with Sherri, It’s about 5 o'clock in the morning... We were laying on the couch in the living room sleep, then once again...an experience I never experienced happens. I hear a loud boom! Then the door gets kicks open and I hear a bunch of yelling, flashlights all in my face with guns… My fuckin heart dropped! It was their house getting busted because her brothers sold crack. Again. I'm like what the fuck is going on, she knew... I didn't! Never in my life had I been through anything like this ever! That's when I found out you get your house busted for selling drugs. So, after that I knew we had no other choice but to be inseparable after that. After that day, her mom let her come live with us, hell it was next door she wasn't very far. But my oldest sister used to always tell us; “Y'all need to comb y'all hair, y'all are lil girls but running around here funkier than these boy's!”

  But we were too busy being happy to have each other because we weren't alone anymore so we were the funky crew then that's what we would be. I never knew what a real friend was until I met her. Even though Ro was my girl, we were completely opposite like she came from money. But she never looked at me different, she never treated me differently, but I saw the difference in us.

  But she had friends that had the same as her and that's where our problem came in, we still dealt with each other because her big sister Tonya and my oldest sisters were best friends. But with Ro, I was only fond of her. I really didn't care too much for her other friends. When I met Sherri it kind of slowed me down from being around Ro, not intentionally it just happened because we lived next door to each other. Me, Ro and Sherri couldn’t be together, and it made me so sad that Sherri and Ro couldn't get along like I clicked with the both of them. I guess I expected them to get along and we could have been the three stooges.

  I don't know where that came from because the only way that would have happened is if Ro would have given us half her wardrobe. But those times dished out some good memories with the people I met. Some people I miss over there. Once we moved, I wonder all the time about this girl, her name was Tasha. I remember that she had this issue to where her legs were messed up. They were bent at the knees so that’s how she walked. I loved Tasha that girl use to dress her butt off; she had a brother named Peewee. That's all I can remember, not even the last name. Then it was this girl named Miranda and I had found her again. Her dad had a shop on Jackson St. I ran into her there a while ago one day I went into his shop and she worked there, but it wasn’t long before the store closed down. People change so much when they’re considered friends here it's like true and real is so farfetched here.

  Down south true means true, real means real and if you’re a friend. It's going to be through thick and thin. We have hospitality and when shit happens, we have each other's backs. Anyways, back to my life episodes. One day me and Sherri were playing outside, we were pretending to be from opposite gangs towards each other, It maybe was wrong but there was nothing to do in a parking lot! We had no toys and we always had fun together, we were the only two kids in our parking lot, We played Bloods and Crips. All I can remember is, outta nowhere this little, short ass crackhead name Tatter Red punched me, hits me in my eyes, all I saw was stars…. I fell to the ground screaming holding my eye and this nigga gone say; “Lil crab ass bitch!" Now let me remind you I'm only 10 years old, so I'm not in a damn gang, I never knew this could happen from playing on your porch as a kid.

  So, by now Sherri ran and got my mom but by this time the man was gone he had taken off running. All I can think is, this grown ass man hit me in my eye and had my eye huge all because we were playing. My mom gets me in the house and found out what happened. It's a good thing she knew who it was because it was crackhead city, and they came through very often because the gate by our apartment had a hole in it. You’d have to walk all the way around down the hill to get to the other side … so they made a shortcut through the gate. My mom was pissed. She went and got my uncle Ray Dad's brother and told him what happened. My uncle came and saw my eye and was furious. He went and found this man and whipped his ass. On the other hand, my mom's brother blamed me for playing with a grown man when I really wasn't and didn't know this man. But that was just like my mom’s brother. He always found a way out of everything. He sold drugs and was rich, so I guess he didn't want that responsibility of fighting he was way too clean to get dirty, And it didn't matter Uncle Ray took care of it.

  To top off all of that shit off, a week later, Pooh hits me in my other eye and blackened it for putting on a shirt of hers. She had already told me I couldn't wear it and I wore it anyways. Now I'm 10 with two black eyes! I was happy it was summer time. So as time went on. Then I got the bad news that my Dad died in prison after he was on his way home in another month or so… so now my world is crushed. My protector will never come, my hero who was supposed to keep me from harm found harm to himself, all the plans and thoughts all just disappeared with him because now it was all over. Nothing else to look forward to, who would I call when I need to have that father daughter moment? I will never in my life be able to use the term daddy ever. Never have and now never will. All I have is the stories my mom and sisters and grandmother told me, How am I supposed to live with this tragedy?

  My life was already a piece of shit and because you couldn't be a father and just come home to take care of your responsibilities you just leave without warning. Now I'm just like ok fuck it I never knew him and now I never will so, now just fuck it... so I don't have a father and never will.These were all mad emotions, I was so hurt because I loved him, I wanted/needed my father so bad. So now it’s like 1989 and my mom gets I think it's sort of a blessing again, now blessed with this shit the government called housing, she was paying regular rent in the apartment where we were living into some low income apartments now. Now we're in blood territory, Remind you all we know is Crip territory where my aunt lived where my cousin died from the opposite set. This was tragic.

  We were all type of crab ass bitches! I had problems at school and by now I'm 13,14 years old with the boys wanting to fight us all from my mom to me, my sisters Sherri included, and my cousin Connie my mom’s niece ...CONNIE WAS WITH ALL THEY WAS WITH THOUGH! But to them, we were in the wrong neighborhood and they made sure we knew it. The
m boys was trying their best to run us from over there, but we weren't in a gang! Certain members were but we knew nothing about how this worked, Our country butts didn't know that they got family members and all in this gangbanging stuff. So, it started when we were on our way to school, they would pick on us and threaten us. And this was only the kids and only the beginning, not even the police could help over there. They barely able to control Las Vegas with these gang of our horrors living in gang territory from the wrong side. Then it went to the older ones where my sister's boyfriends couldn't even come over because they were Crips.

  My Aunt Deb R.I.P (my uncle's wife) had a Jaguar, and she was Italian and white and she caught hell over there… I remember one day she pulled up to my mom's and she always wore these big wigs. When she pulled in front of my mom's apartment her sunroof was opened, as usual the guys in the gang were on my mom's wall to her porch. So therefore, you can’t come up to my mother door unless through them.

  Two of the boy's walked up to the car so she tried to be cool... they went to opposite sides of the car and one started talking mess, the one on the other side of the car threw a match in her hair and set her hair on fire! She wasn’t hurt but just imagine. We were horrified over there and definitely weren’t too safe. We never knew the limits they would go on us over there because they showed so far there was no limit! We always watched them beat guys that they didn’t know down until they couldn't move anymore. It frightened me so bad and I always was in so much fear, always praying it wasn’t one of my family members! So we knew the harm they were capable of doing. They were maybe just easy on us as women I would hope. But then, one day my mom had her windows open while she was cooking, in the south we opened our windows to let the fresh breeze through. But these guys were on our porch this day as they were always sitting and standing on our porch! Our apartment was on the end, it was a wall then the alley next to our building, so that was their daily gathering spot. But by our window being opened they snuck up and set the kitchen curtain on fire! I guess they wanted to burn us out since we wouldn’t leave on our own alone. But we did happen to have to move… unfortunately it was the worst tragedy of it all. January 8th, 1991 on my mother’s birthday my nephew was only a month old. My oldest sister had just got her first apartment and my other older sister was out with her friends. I went outside to play while my mother and my nieces and nephews were all napping. My older sister was hanging curtains in her new apartment down the street when our other sister and her friend came to get her to fight! So, while they were out fighting our apartment caught on fire! Someone ran in the back of our apartments and told me our apartment was on fire and they can’t find my newborn nephew! By the time I ran around there our entire apartment was on fire! My mom and all my nieces and nephews were out safely except my month-old nephew! So now my mom dreads her birthday, so never wanted to celebrate her birthday. She was able to get 5 kids out of a two-story apartment by herself! She had to stay in the hospital for a month from smoke inhalation, but I thank GOD for his miracles! My nephew didn’t make it out, but GOD needed a baby angel at the moment. Well, we did get another apartment in the front of those same apartment, and the gang members laid off us now and we were slightly accepted. We were there years and eventually we became like family